We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
