I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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