you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
