Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
