haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
