Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
