FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
as a side note pls kill me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
