Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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