Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
