how can u be prego again
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
