Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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