i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
