How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
