Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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