just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
