names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
