That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
