watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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