For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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