I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize