I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
