Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
