We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
