He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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