he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
