this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
