What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
