A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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