i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
