my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
