Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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