he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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