Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
