saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
