I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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