everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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