Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
