I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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