Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
