"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
