I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
