Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
