I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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