We won't sleep together?
I wish I could teleport
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
