do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
