When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
