Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
