I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
