I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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