I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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