Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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