alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
