This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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