Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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