i need an iv and a liver transplant
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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