my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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