My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
