Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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