i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
