Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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