dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
