tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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