when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We talked him into tasing himself.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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