Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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