Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My bed smells like the plague
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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