Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
