somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
