and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
