you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
time to smoke my breakfast
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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