Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
