if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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