I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
