Buhtt sex?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
